>BRAIN DUMP: Neuron Replenishment

~Neural Exercise

Platforms today are designed to keep you distracted so they can make money. This results in a shortened attention span, lack of creative ability due to overconsumption, and the list goes on and on and on and on (and on). But I do not want to fall victim to all the noise around me and in turn lose my self. I want to be more creative, attentive (and for longer periods of time), be more social, and many more things. In order to do so I find that the best game plan is to create rather than consume.

Here I am kind of creating in a sense, by writing about random things I have been thinking/doing.

~Swiping on Glass

I find myself scrolling on various platforms, even against all the measures I took to keep myself off them in the first place. It feels horrible. Having my attention strongly gravitating towards an endless swiping feed that stimulates my mind on every swipe. Doing that thousands of times over has really done damage to me. I can feel it. In my mood, when I try to focus on something for a somewhat long period of time. When I get bored I instantly need something to distract me.

This is wrong. This swiping thing is not what I am suppose to be doing. Although the damage still lingers, I can repair this. Create more, consume pieces of media that don't tickle your brain every 0.2 nanoseconds, actually ponder about random stuff, talk to people, just be present and do what the mind and body SHOULD be doing. Writing like this is one of them. I can't fully articulate what I feel and I can't blame the Zuck for that but I know that once I get this issue under control while simutaneously developing my soul and being an actual person, not a hamster running on a wheel with a 5k OLED tv showing reels on it, I will one day say what I can and be able to express why I am saying it. Right now I don't have a clear picture on why I am writing this, I just know that I need to write this and express myself. Just a heads up that the rest of the blog will be littered with this level of comprehension.

~Mark Watney

I started logging. Like Mark Watney from The Martian or like Richtofen's audio logs from COD Zombies. What both of those characters have in common is that they are extremely intelligent, and they can speak whats on their mind with ease. I want to be able to get to that level. Speak about any topic/idea with no friction and also talk about it in a deeper manner. Also in an extremely digestable way as well.

Speech. I want to put more points in my speech skill tree. That is what it is.

~Dictaphone Real Estate

I started on the dictaphone but I then transitioned to my laptop that has a facecam. I should probably find a use for that dictaphone. Or just leave it in my closet because I should have no obligation to an object that serves me, why should something like that place stress upon me. That sounds pretty evil, talking about an object like it is a spec of dust. If it was an animate object that would be the real issue but I should stop piling on stress from things that don't deserve the right to. This dictaphone that I bought with my own money should not be a thing that stresses me out. It was used and now it wont be, it has served its purpose perfectly, whether that $15 dollars was well spent or not should not be occupying a large amount of space in my mind. Perhaps a smaller allocation of space in my mind will do. Ok sorry for the tangent but.

Back to logging. Its fun, the main goal is to talk about whatever topic I want to talk about and just improve. If I say something that does not make sense, than start over. If I can say something better, then I try it. You get the point. Its pretty fun and it does help a lot. I also try to look at the facecam iris to maintain a point of contact. Looking at my chopped self on the screen is just stupid and helps no one. Blank screen, eyes on the facecam iris.

~Morning Star

I am trying to replace scrolling with reading. Its going well but it is also a convience thing. You need light to see the letters, I tend to hunch when reading and a book is less transportable than a phone. But the booking Im currently reading, Morning Star by Pierce Brown, is good. I love rangar. Im close to the final part of this book by the way. But I'm excited to read a whole bunch of random books once I finish this book also. So thats going to be fun. I just need to be more consistent. Picking up a book instead of my phone.

~Overwatch Is the Worst Game Known to Man

There is genuine times that I want my heart to burst. There are times when I can't even begin to imagine how idiotic my teammates are. I never reached a high rank in any video game in my entire life and I randomly chose Overwatch. It is doable but I always think its going to happen over night. Like I barely have any experience and I expect myself to be a pro.

Another thing is I am the worst version of myself when playing this game. I become irrational and impatient. Those emotions invite more emotions of instability just making me eat myself alive. There are times that I want to quit (I'm not playing like 5 hours a day grinding my life away, I play with my friends on a frequent basis though but not an obsessive amount) but then I realize the real issue I am quiting is because Im a loser.

If I quit that means I quit because I am truly a hot head, impatient, stupid player. I can't learn to grow as a player, know when to slow down and take breaks, take the scenic route to get gud and have fun. Again its a video game it is never that serious but if I let the video game just control me and my emotions like a puppet I kind of lost. I need to learn how to play a game to an extent where it doesn't eat away at me as much as it does. I need to work on that. Gold tank would be nice. I am not a bad player but there are so many games that should have been won but my teammates truly turned off their brain. Enough talk of this, I need to just put in reps over a couple of seasons and hopefully that will unsilver me and I can get gold on a role and retire or something. It has only been less that 1 season played and I am already thinking like this. I played the very first season of Overwatch thank god I didnt stick with it because it would have robbed me of my youth. I was thinking modded minecraft robbed me of my youth considering the amount of hours I put into that in middle school but that actually made me a more organized, structured man.

~Nick Angelo

New training plan. I used to watch some dude on youtube named Nick Angelo, I think he might of went insane but he was a very interesting personality to begin with. Anyways he deleted his account and now all his videos are reposted. I decided to give his Upper Lower split a try.

Bench is still going good. Hit 245 the other day. Need to keep pushing.

~Tick Tock

My friends got me a Seiko for my birthday. A beautiful watch. Goated friends and goated watch. Also a lot of family functions have been getting more intense because I bought a soccer ball and would bring it to parties. All the cousins locking in when the soccer ball comes around. Its been hella fun.

~Ochoa

The world cup has flipped a switch all over America. Countries from all around the world celebrating for the representatives of their nation in a very competitive sport. Feeling like Hunger Games in this b.

Ochoa's last world cup so that is sad (Mexican Goalie, probably one of the greatest players to represent Mexico).

I went to watch the Mexico v. South Korea game at my grandma's house with all my family. I should have brought my earplugs.

~Sr. Cookie

I want to learn how to bake. I want to be good. I want to be the type of dude that brings joy to the function with the absolutely amazing consumables that I have forged.

~Make Over Leet

I'd rather create than do leetcode. There is a difference between making and then taking the time to rest and work on your skills to make your creations better but leetcode seems very beneficial for its own sake if that makes sense. Doing leetcode only helps people do leetcode better. If I want to become a better overall programmer I'd rather program. Although I can't deny leetcode does have that problem solving repetition with exposure to different main coding concepts . So maybe I am wrong. But programming real stuff is always more fun.

Honestly learning new languages is fun too its just something about leetcode that I find annoying. It is fun sometimes. Now that I think about it, the fun part is learning concepts that I can actually use. Like learning sorting, merging, and searching. The real stuff.

~Movies

Been watching a lot of movies lately. Recently watched La La Land, wow. That was brutal. Amazing movie. Top 2. Still in the marination period but it might take Ratatouilles #1 spot.

~Anger and Weakness

In many ways I am weak, angry, impatient, stupid, emotionally blind kid. I need to get out of this stupid mindset that I have been for my entire life. If I had a daughter/son tomorrow out of the blue, and they were sitting in front of me, would they be in good hands. Would they have a man to take care of them or would I fail. I need to be a better human. I need to become a man. A man. "You're not that guy pal, you're not that guy" (tiktok hit meme). I will become a man.

~Serious

Sorry this blog got serious and in depth about my character. Not even about my character but just the inner workings of my mind. But then again why even have a blog if your not going to attempt to get in there.